God’s Man: The Husband


The Role of Husband:

The Role of Husband in marriage is often times not even considered in the modern world, but yet without understanding this ever so vital position, how can a man be the MAN he needs to be in his marriage. He then is like a ship without a sail. Let’s review the basic role of a husband in a marriage:

(1) Leadership:“For the husband is the head of the wife” (Ephesians 4:23) Man of God – you are the ‘head’ of your wife, and you should ACT like it; in the home, in key decisions, in the direction of your family, and spiritually. The reason why marriages are failing is because men have become wimps and instead of running ahead, leading the charge, their at the back too fearful to bear the cost of decision-making. Secondly some men allow their wives to lead them, and therein, is God’s design broken for the ‘authoritative’ hierarchy which He created. God is very instructive here, and His Word cannot be put more clearer. In fact in the words preceding this one in Ephesians, it says “”Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord”. Again – no further emphasis is needed on what God Himself, makes as clear a glass.


However given that understanding ‘balance’ as always is required and here are some things to bear in mind:


1.1   It’s not your responsibility to COMMAND your wife to submit to you, that’s between her and God. It is your responsibility to LEAD WELL so she can follow.

1.2   You are not to abuse your privilege given by God in being HER HEAD. How do you determine that? Simply, the GRACE which God applies to you, should be applied to your WIFE. Did God not die for you a WRETCHED sinner?

1.3   You WIN the heart of your WIFE by your example – not by your WORDS.

1.4   Remember, you may be her HEAD, but CHRIST is yours. You are the spiritual head of the home, and your focus should be on Him, and your relationship with HIM. Seek Him for patience, for wisdom, for guidance and for strength. You are PRIMARILY responsible to HIM, not your wife.

1.5   Men and Women are co-equals and yes they have different functions – but this does not remove from the ‘authoritative hierarchy’ God has given. Jesus and God the Father may be equals (both God), but the Father is the authority of all creation.

1.6   Your WIFE (after God) is your highest priority. That is, never ever let her feel or think to feel, that she is in competition for your job, your hobbies, your education, your Christian service, your church life, your friends – NOTHING, should ever take that PLACE, and you should manage your time carefully and wisely.


The Role of Decision:


(1) Decide: “Be ye angry, and sin not; let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26)

If as a husband you believe you have an ‘option’, that is, to divorce, or to allow this marriage to fall apart, or to just not care – then that’s what your marriage will become. If you however as a Christian man, a son of God – you decide today to always MAKE the MARRIAGE WORK, and to never let your PRIDE get in the way of it – your marriage will PROSPER. Remember, there is no way out, no alternatives; you stood publicly before GOD and committed to HIM that you will love your wife despite who or what she is, or how the both of you ended up in UNION. HISTORY is HISTORY, look forward, and stop spending time replaying the past to distract you from FIXING the present!

(2) Do:

Decide to ‘LOVE’ her despite all her inconsistencies, despite all her weaknesses; and to take them to GOD. Do not allow bitterness to creep into your heart. When the negative thoughts abound about your wife, take it to GOD. Pray MAN of GOD Pray, take it to the LORD, beseech Him – you may not see the results you want today, or even tomorrow; but that’s not for you to decide – just keep praying and trusting in the LORD. The best way to win someone’s heart – is to LOVE them. If you continue to struggle and you surely will; keep reading Ephesians 5 – there is nothing more sobering to think on what Christ did for you, and the amount of patience He gives you daily, and that should define how you should relate to your wife.


The Role of Love:


(1) Forgive and Forget:“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” (Ephesians 5:25)

Man of God – the extent of your love is seen in the example of Jesus Christ. Our LORD, our GOD, thought it nothing, to leave the splendour of heaven, to leave its beauty and comfort, taking the form of a man, to come and die for YOU. Did you deserve it? Did you deserve so great a gift, that God Himself should pay for your sin? Then for salvation, did God then punish you first before you could receive it? Did he ask you to pay some of the price; or did He bear it all, ALONE? Is the gift of salvation not free? What love friend, that God, that Jesus Christ displayed upon Calvary for you. This should be the extent of your LOVE for your wife, this should be its depth, its breath and its height. Love suffers long, Love is kind, Love is not prideful and not easily hurt, Love does not seek its own and does not think evil of the other. This should be your love, to the extent that you would LAY down your LIFE for her!


(2) Your Words:That  he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word”

Nothing is as powerful as WORDS, both to destroy and to build up. Make sure your words SANCTIFY your wife, that is “set her apart”, that lift her up, that strengthen her in the LORD, and encourages in her life’s journey. You are there to help her become the best person she can be in Jesus Christ. Particularly important, is that if she is not ‘saved’ – you be patient, and share the gospel with compassion and love. If she has not ‘believed on Jesus Christ, and his atoning work’, then your battle is much HARDER, because she does not have a relationship with Jesus Christ. In this situation your prayer should be first and foremost – HER SALVATION, as if she were to die without being ‘SAVED’, God’s wrath would fall upon her (hell).


2.1 A great way of sanctifying your wife, is to lead her in some simple ‘devotion’, to encourage her, to open her eyes to truth and to ‘sanctify’ her with the Word of God. Again, do not force this, or make it so structured, that she starts to despise the time.


2.2 Your role should be to try build her up – aid her in her endeavors, and allow her the room to strengthen and build you. Heed her advice in situations. She has a perspective that is not your own, and thus able to see things more clearly then you may be able too.



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God’s Word: Some Basics


How is the Bible divided?

Simplistically the Bible is the WORD of God – that is, it is preserved and God-breathed to be perfect and to withstand the ages. The King James Bible is divided into two main divisions; Old Testament and New Testament.

The Bible is made up of 66 books – the Old Testament consists of 39 books, broken down into the Pentateuch (first 5 books written by Moses), History of Israel, their Kings, theirs Major Prophets and their Minor Prophets (ending at Malachi). The Old Testament is written TO the Jews (Israel) and about the nation of Israel.

The New Testament is made up of 27 books – starting at Matthew, and covers 4 gospels of Jesus Christ, moving onto the forming of the Church in Acts, to the Pauline Epistles (books that Paul wrote), to the last book that speaks prophetically of things that were, are and yet to come (Revelation). The New Testament is TO the Church and covers our Christian living and understanding of Jesus. Altogether 66 books!

Please note, though the Old Testament is FOR us, but not written to “us”. That is, if I write you a letter about ‘How to Build’ something. Though it’s TO you (it’s got your name on it, and some personal details), you can however pass it on to someone else to gather information or learn from it. The Old Testament is thus, written FOR us to learn, understand God more; but it’s not written TO us, but rather to Israel (God’s Chosen People). That means – when God Promises something or says something, it’s primarily to Israel.

Who Is Israel?

Israel is God’s people, sons of Jacob (Genesis 29) and their descendants – and they are known today, as modern day Jews. In the Old Testament, God had given to them the LAW (that is the Ten Commandments etc) and many either laws (social, civil and moral – Exodus 20-24).

However, despite God working with them through the ages, endearing them with love and mercy to follow after Him and be obedient to His commandments, they rejected Him their Messiah (Jesus Christ), and as such He then put them aside for a TIME (Romans 8-10). God then directed His focus towards the Gentiles (or the non-Jews) – which is us; the Church or the Body of Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 12:13). Anyone who believes Jesus Christ, is now part of that “Body”.

A Key To Understanding the Bible:

Firstly, a Bible believer must distinguish between the Old Testament and the New Testament, and TO whom those Books are written. Why? Because you may take something God said in the Old Testament and believe it for yourself – when it’s NOT meant for you. For example, in Exodus 21-24, we see God give instruction on how one should behave and what laws he or she are to follow. In there it refers too – offering sacrifice to God for sin, it speaks off what one should eat; and how one should repay injustice with death. Clearly reading the context, you can see that it is no written to the Church, but rather for Jews. However we can ‘learn’ some truth from it!

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT to understand, and is the reason why there is so much division in Churches today, and why there are such things as cults.

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What He Did…

sunset jesus cross.jpeg

Up on a tree, placed they the King of Majesty,

Up on His hands and feet, they raised our Lord, beat;

Up He pulls to grasp some air, there laid Jehovah all things bare;

Up He cries, why do you forsake me, I’m a man of no lies?


Across His face, the blood marks a man not spared any grace,

Across His head, the thorn crown now painfully wed,

Across His back, torn flesh, from incessant attack.

Across His side, a spear is pierced inside!


Down into the depths He plunges and dies; searching out the woeful heart cries;

Down into the heat damned eternal, he descends into satan’s cursed home infernal;

Down amidst the pain and anguishing screams; stands a “preacher” with the gospel of heavenly “dreams”;

Down amidst the saints He tells the story, and marches back up unto ‘Heavenly Glory’.


Up into the heavens, he doth ascend, followed by those so dear as a “friend”,

Up into the sky , and way up high, stands the Lord near the God, Adonai!

Up in the heavens, He approaches the throne, and places the blood that will ever atone;

Up in the heavens begins a “shout of glory”, for herein begins a “beautiful story”.

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Our Hearts Condemn Us


20 For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.
21 Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God.
22 And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.
23 And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment. 

One of the greatest hindrances in a Christians life, is his own self. I’m not talking about his or her playing with sin; but far more the ‘yoke’ of expectation of we place upon ourselves, or the ideologies we limit God with. Perhaps one of these, is that found in “prayer”; with the use of the words – “Lord will do this or that, if it be Thy will”. The key emphasis there – is “if it be Thy will”.


An Example:


Consider a husband whose wife has just gone into labour; both saved Christians, firm believers in the Lord Jesus Christ and His atoning work. The midwife and nurses do their best, but it appears that the child who though has been “delivered” is experiencing duress and has gone into ICU. The midwife approaches the husband and there pronounces that it is likely that their newborn child given by God, is likely to “die”. One then pictures the husband getting on his knees when alone, and beseeching the LORD for this precious life that the LORD has given them as a couple. I can almost here the husband saying “oh Lord save my child if it be your will”.


What We Do:


This enactment of events though imaginary, is illustrative of the approach Christians take before a God who delights in the impossible. We bind up God, and His power, and our understanding of Him; by our pre-conceived notions. The reason we pray – “Lord please do this, IF IT BE THY WILL”; it simply because earnestly we desire to do that which is right before God, not going against Him; but more so to fall in line with scripture. That is good reason. However, there is also a far greater question of “faith” – as we are not sure if God will deliver or not. The above approach is not “blasphemous” neither is it an ill-doctrine; but it brings no peace, and it definitely doesn’t allow confidence in God, nor God to show Himself in the impossible.


How So?


Consider Joshua and the many battles He fought in claiming the inheritance of Canaan, the many armies they fought starting from Joshua 2-13. We note in Joshua 7, that during the “war” with Ai, Israel was sorely beaten; despite them being promised “victory” over all their enemies by God, and an assurance of the land that God had given them. In Joshua 7 we see Joshua fall upon His face and cry out to the Lord, besieging Him for help and understanding as to why the Lord would let them (Israel) be defeated. It is from that we see, Joshua learning that God had indeed “promised” and had not failed to deliver on it (later in the chapter) but there was sin in the “camp”.


The first reason why we limit God by our prayers, and lack the confidence to earnestly beseech Him in “faith” – is because we lack “purity of heart”. But far more the point of this short essay if you will, is not the sin that was in the camp (Achan), but far more that despite all the lessons Joshua learnt about being “strong and of a good courage” – they culminate in the absolute “faith” He had in God’s deliverance for Israel, and their conquering of the enemies. The height of this is seen in Joshua Chapter 10, when Joshua calls for God to stop the Sun and the Moon. Wow? Scripture goes on to say “And there was no day like that before it or after it; that the LORD hearkened unto the voice of a man”. Now that’s a statement! 


Now  I am not saying that we should command that of God; that was the personal relationship between Joshua and God; also it says in that very verse, that there will be no day greater than it – when a man should by “faith” ask of God. 


The Point:


What I am saying, is that when we PRAY, “Lord please do this and that, IF IT BE THY WILL”; we in a sense conform God to the laws of science and limit Him to what we conceive as imaginable or even “doable”. Faith is not one’s own “power of belief” to do the impossible; it’s “one’s belief in the power of God” to do the impossible. 


Right throughout Joshua, we see a man who yes was a bit shaken in certain circumstances; but He learnt through the trying of His faith, to “believe” in the power of God, and to go into battle despite the odds or size of the enemy; despite the darkness of the hour and situation, and just “trust God”. Oh dear friend; faith rides into battle never considering the outcome, but only the LORD GOD and His Word, trusting and never doubting it. 


Often times we doubt God because of our desire for a good outcome – that is; we tend towards the negative, to prepare our minds for the possibility that God might not deliver or it might not be His will, and so we play both sides. It is not for us to doubt God’s deliverance or His hand in doing the impossible, that’s left up to Him; He will ultimately decide because He is ultimately Sovereign. 


The point friend, if it’s not clear enough; we need to simply believe who God is; ask Him for that we need; to believe Him to do the impossible, and to trust Him by faith; as we see it in scripture! Let God be God; and let God decide the outcome! 


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