The Role of Husband:
The Role of Husband in marriage is often times not even considered in the modern world, but yet without understanding this ever so vital position, how can a man be the MAN he needs to be in his marriage. He then is like a ship without a sail. Let’s review the basic role of a husband in a marriage:
(1) Leadership:“For the husband is the head of the wife” (Ephesians 4:23) Man of God – you are the ‘head’ of your wife, and you should ACT like it; in the home, in key decisions, in the direction of your family, and spiritually. The reason why marriages are failing is because men have become wimps and instead of running ahead, leading the charge, their at the back too fearful to bear the cost of decision-making. Secondly some men allow their wives to lead them, and therein, is God’s design broken for the ‘authoritative’ hierarchy which He created. God is very instructive here, and His Word cannot be put more clearer. In fact in the words preceding this one in Ephesians, it says “”Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord”. Again – no further emphasis is needed on what God Himself, makes as clear a glass.
However given that understanding ‘balance’ as always is required and here are some things to bear in mind:
1.1 It’s not your responsibility to COMMAND your wife to submit to you, that’s between her and God. It is your responsibility to LEAD WELL so she can follow.
1.2 You are not to abuse your privilege given by God in being HER HEAD. How do you determine that? Simply, the GRACE which God applies to you, should be applied to your WIFE. Did God not die for you a WRETCHED sinner?
1.3 You WIN the heart of your WIFE by your example – not by your WORDS.
1.4 Remember, you may be her HEAD, but CHRIST is yours. You are the spiritual head of the home, and your focus should be on Him, and your relationship with HIM. Seek Him for patience, for wisdom, for guidance and for strength. You are PRIMARILY responsible to HIM, not your wife.
1.5 Men and Women are co-equals and yes they have different functions – but this does not remove from the ‘authoritative hierarchy’ God has given. Jesus and God the Father may be equals (both God), but the Father is the authority of all creation.
1.6 Your WIFE (after God) is your highest priority. That is, never ever let her feel or think to feel, that she is in competition for your job, your hobbies, your education, your Christian service, your church life, your friends – NOTHING, should ever take that PLACE, and you should manage your time carefully and wisely.
The Role of Decision:
(1) Decide: “Be ye angry, and sin not; let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26)
If as a husband you believe you have an ‘option’, that is, to divorce, or to allow this marriage to fall apart, or to just not care – then that’s what your marriage will become. If you however as a Christian man, a son of God – you decide today to always MAKE the MARRIAGE WORK, and to never let your PRIDE get in the way of it – your marriage will PROSPER. Remember, there is no way out, no alternatives; you stood publicly before GOD and committed to HIM that you will love your wife despite who or what she is, or how the both of you ended up in UNION. HISTORY is HISTORY, look forward, and stop spending time replaying the past to distract you from FIXING the present!
Decide to ‘LOVE’ her despite all her inconsistencies, despite all her weaknesses; and to take them to GOD. Do not allow bitterness to creep into your heart. When the negative thoughts abound about your wife, take it to GOD. Pray MAN of GOD Pray, take it to the LORD, beseech Him – you may not see the results you want today, or even tomorrow; but that’s not for you to decide – just keep praying and trusting in the LORD. The best way to win someone’s heart – is to LOVE them. If you continue to struggle and you surely will; keep reading Ephesians 5 – there is nothing more sobering to think on what Christ did for you, and the amount of patience He gives you daily, and that should define how you should relate to your wife.
The Role of Love:
(1) Forgive and Forget:“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” (Ephesians 5:25)
Man of God – the extent of your love is seen in the example of Jesus Christ. Our LORD, our GOD, thought it nothing, to leave the splendour of heaven, to leave its beauty and comfort, taking the form of a man, to come and die for YOU. Did you deserve it? Did you deserve so great a gift, that God Himself should pay for your sin? Then for salvation, did God then punish you first before you could receive it? Did he ask you to pay some of the price; or did He bear it all, ALONE? Is the gift of salvation not free? What love friend, that God, that Jesus Christ displayed upon Calvary for you. This should be the extent of your LOVE for your wife, this should be its depth, its breath and its height. Love suffers long, Love is kind, Love is not prideful and not easily hurt, Love does not seek its own and does not think evil of the other. This should be your love, to the extent that you would LAY down your LIFE for her!
(2) Your Words:“That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word”
Nothing is as powerful as WORDS, both to destroy and to build up. Make sure your words SANCTIFY your wife, that is “set her apart”, that lift her up, that strengthen her in the LORD, and encourages in her life’s journey. You are there to help her become the best person she can be in Jesus Christ. Particularly important, is that if she is not ‘saved’ – you be patient, and share the gospel with compassion and love. If she has not ‘believed on Jesus Christ, and his atoning work’, then your battle is much HARDER, because she does not have a relationship with Jesus Christ. In this situation your prayer should be first and foremost – HER SALVATION, as if she were to die without being ‘SAVED’, God’s wrath would fall upon her (hell).
2.1 A great way of sanctifying your wife, is to lead her in some simple ‘devotion’, to encourage her, to open her eyes to truth and to ‘sanctify’ her with the Word of God. Again, do not force this, or make it so structured, that she starts to despise the time.
2.2 Your role should be to try build her up – aid her in her endeavors, and allow her the room to strengthen and build you. Heed her advice in situations. She has a perspective that is not your own, and thus able to see things more clearly then you may be able too.